worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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