i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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