I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
