I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
