and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My vagina is officially offended.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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