Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
