There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
