he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
