need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
