You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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