I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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