No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
