when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
