Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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