he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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