does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
