i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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