Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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