you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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