Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
