It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
