Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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