Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
