u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
