In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
