Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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