sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
