Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
