I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
