Do you still have your period?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
