I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ttyl tear gas
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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