He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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