he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
