Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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