you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
