I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
