I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
