Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
