its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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