Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
