i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
