I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
