you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
