Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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