I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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