Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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