I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
