I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
