trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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