it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
