come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
