i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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