You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
