If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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