at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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