someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
