puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
