Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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