I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
