Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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