Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
