Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
