If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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