still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's never too late to be topless.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
