i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
