I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
