i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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