You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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