There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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