Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
