You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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