I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
