When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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