2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
