So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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