Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
