I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize