you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
