Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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