I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
