Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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