I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize