You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
